


Buck

by Burgie



Series: Katja Joins Team Good AU [2]
Category: Star Stable
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 15:50:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7112338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Burgie/pseuds/Burgie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Katja tells Alex one of her deepest secrets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Buck

There were many things that changed about Alex every cycle, but one thing stayed the same- she always wanted children. So Katja had been expecting the question since she’d gotten together with Alex in this cycle.

“Do you want kids?” asked Alex, lying in bed with her girlfriend. It was a sleepy Sunday morning, which they always spent sleeping in and snuggling until someone pulled them out of bed.

“No,” said Katja. “I did once but I can’t.”

“Why?” asked Alex. “You’re not sterile, you would’ve mentioned it. And you still get-“

“It’s not because of that,” said Katja. “Can we not talk about it now?” She snuggled up closer to Alex, trying to banish the bad memories with her girlfriend’s touch.

“Okay,” said Alex. She knew how upset Katja was just by how blunt she was about evading the question. Normally she was better at coming up with lies, being a trickster by nature. The tears were also a dead giveaway.

Whatever it was, it made Katja miserable all day. She wasn’t even her usual flirtatious self, which was really concerning. Alex finally confronted her about it after once again being pushed away when she tried to kiss her.

“Okay, what’s wrong?” asked Alex. “You’ve been a sad sack all day.”

“I told you, I don’t want to talk about it,” said Katja.

“Fine then, I’ll ask Linda,” said Alex, and got up to do just that. But Katja stopped her, gripping her arm tightly.

“No!” she said, and then sighed. “Fine then, I’ll tell you. But don’t get upset if it makes me cry a whole lot. And whatever you do, don’t go after my former master. You can’t take him on alone, he’s stronger than that now and you need more backup.”

“Okay,” said Alex slowly, confused now. “What, did he-?”

“No!” said Katja, shivering in disgust at the thought. “No, nothing like that. Maybe it would’ve been better if he did, but…” She trailed off and looked around. They were in the sitting room in the manor, which was secluded but not secluded enough.

“Do you want to go somewhere more private?” asked Alex.

“Yeah,” said Katja. “This is a pretty big secret and I don’t want anyone finding out. Not even the other Generals know.”

Alex took Katja to the cellar, where she often went for some privacy. It was nice and quiet, and somehow sounds couldn’t be heard outside of it.

“Okay,” said Katja. She took a deep breath and then let it out. “In one of the cycles, we had a son.”

“How?” asked Alex.

“Magic,” said Katja. “My magic, the Star wouldn’t help us. She refused.”

“That explains everything,” said Alex. “Go on.”

“Anyway, you asked for a kid and I was… only too happy to…” Katja paused and swallowed thickly. “Give you one.” She began shaking, so Alex held her. “I can’t, I’m sorry, I can’t do this. I tried to forget it and now trying to remember it is just bringing up all of these repressed memories and I just- I just can’t deal with it.”

“You’re going to have to,” said Alex. “It’s better to let it all out to someone who can help you. If the other Generals somehow found out, they’d taunt you with it and use it against you.”

“Fine!” said Katja, angrily wiping away her tears. “We had a son and named him Buck and we were really happy and then Garnok, he-“ She stopped again and buried her head in Alex’s shirt to cry for a while.

“What did he do?” asked Alex. She could guess, but Katja needed to tell her this. She needed to tell someone, at any rate.

“He f-found out and and took him away from me and changed him into a monster,” said Katja, and she looked like she was reliving that pain. “After killing you first, of course. First I lost you and then I lost Buck and I just couldn’t take it anymore.”

“So what did you do?” Alex stroked Katja’s hair in an attempt to calm her.

“Oh, you know, what any sane, rational person would do- I went through a portal to Pandoria and tried to beat him up.” Katja laughed bitterly. “And then, because killing me half a dozen times wasn’t enough, he made me watch while my son was turned into a monster!” She laughed, but the laughter quickly morphed into sobs and she clutched Alex tightly, burying her head into her shoulder.

“Is there any normal part of him left?” asked Alex.

“No,” said Katja, her voice muffled in Alex’s shirt. She pulled her head away, face still wet with tears. “Well, there is one thing. He still feels a bond with me but he doesn’t remember that I’m his mother. That’s probably for the best.”

“Do you think Garnok will send him to kill you?” asked Alex. “It seems like the kind of sick and twisted thing he’d do.”

“Yeah,” said Katja with a sniff. “That’s what I’m afraid of.” Her fingers had caught hold of Alex’s hair, but she didn’t let go.

“Is there any chance of him being turned good?” asked Alex. “You were. Actually, come to think of it, why didn’t that turn you against Garnok?”

“It did,” said Katja, frowning. “I just didn’t have a reason to leave for a while. The next cycle I told you about how to banish me to Pandoria and you did, so I was kind of free from him for a while. But then the next cycle brought me back. And I had to work with Buck.”

“That must’ve been terrible,” said Alex.

“Oh, it was,” said Katja, her eyes bright with tears. “You see, I’d forgotten about what had happened so I treated him like my son but he didn’t know me! Because that fucking squid monster had killed him in all but body.” She grinned even as tears spilled down her cheeks and fisted her hands in Alex’s shirt, pulling on her hair.

Alex winced but didn’t say anything, waiting for Katja to work through her emotions. There was nothing she could do except hold her. At last, Katja broke down into tears again but this time it was a lot less violent. She just cried silently, probably mourning the loss of her son all over again.

“Eventually I started to think of him as just a soldier,” said Katja. “It hurt less that way. He was mine to command. My champion. You know, it’s funny, you always wanted our son to be a warrior like you. Garnok made him into one.” Tears still slipped down her cheeks, but she did look a little less miserable.

“That’s not funny at all,” said Alex. “It’s cruel. I bet he killed me in front of you, didn’t he?”

“Of course,” said Katja. “If I didn’t kill you, he made your death slow and painful and made me watch. He probably gets some sick satisfaction out of watching you be killed by your own son too. Or kill your own son anyway, as the case may be.”

“What was he like before Garnok turned him into a monster?” asked Alex. Maybe happy memories would help cheer them both up.

“Adorable,” said Katja. “He had these little squid legs and he used to love playing sports. The other kids all saw him as a monster but they knew not to say anything or his mother would punish them. He managed to grow up until he was a teenager like he looks now but then he stopped because… well, you know why. And I liked being pregnant and being a mother but I just can’t anymore, I’m sorry.”

“Maybe you can’t, but I can,” said Alex. “What if I was the mother this time?”

“You can’t,” said Katja. “For all your magic, you’re human. Your body wouldn’t be able to carry it to full term. Trust me, we tried that in another cycle and you died too. And I know you want kids, you always have even before that one damn cycle, but if I went through that again I’d probably go completely crazy.”

“We could adopt,” said Alex. “Does that sound okay?”

“What, you don’t want to fight to have another baby with me?” asked Katja. “You have before.”

“Not if it means losing you,” said Alex. She took Katja’s face in her hands and kissed her, tasting the saltiness of tears on her lips.

“Thank you. I love you,” said Katja.

“Love you too,” said Alex. “Now let’s go recover with ice cream.”

As they walked back upstairs, Katja felt an incredible lightness. Maybe she could… maybe. As long as Alex was here with her. And maybe the druids, when they trusted her, could help to hide the child…

Alex heard Katja humming and felt something tugging at her insides.

“Are you sure?” asked Alex, turning to face her girlfriend.

Katja only nodded, still humming. When her song finished, she smiled.

“That was only the potential,” she said. “I have a bit of your genetic material if I ever decide to go ahead with it. If it’s ever safe enough to.”

“I’m sure it will be someday,” said Alex. “We’ve never won before but then again we’ve never had you on our side before.”

“True,” said Katja. “And if I can help you defeat that evil bastard once and for all, it’ll make me very happy.”


End file.
